She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
