that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
