Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
