i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
