All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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