I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
