Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
