So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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