Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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