I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
