More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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