Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your cock deserves a montage
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
