The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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