....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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