This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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