Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
