Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
