Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
