this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
