I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize