I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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