I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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