The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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