You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize