I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
