I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
