I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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