This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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