Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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