So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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