I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
