good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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