You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
