I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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