Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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