You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
