OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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