the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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