While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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