The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
