1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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