The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
