Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
