Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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