Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
