I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
we should paint friendship bongs
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