Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
