I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
