Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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