we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
