Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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