My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
