we have officially lost it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
