eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ruined the universe
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize