I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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