I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
not ubering you a puppy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm like, not good at living.
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