they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
