Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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