im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
